


Of New Beginnings

by M3lilos



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Hogwarts Eighth Year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:53:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26683237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/M3lilos/pseuds/M3lilos
Summary: When Neville comes back for his eighth year at Hogwarts, he doesn't expect his year to go mooning over Pansy Parkinson and running away from adoring fans, but here he is. After blurting out his secret to no one else than Draco Malfoy, he doesn't think Christmas will ever look up again.He doesn't realize that Christmas and New Year are the time of new beginnings and forgiveness.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Neville Longbottom/Pansy Parkinson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	Of New Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> A short story about friendship, love, and forgiveness.

Neville didn't want to be jealous. It was an ugly emotion he remembered from the time he had a crush on Ginny Weasley and he hated it. Luckily, he had moved on from these feelings after he had spent last year with her as leaders of Dumbledore’s Army. Seeing her getting worked up over Harry and not knowing where he was had dampened his feelings until they luckily disappeared completely. That had also aided them in becoming best friends and Neville preferred that to awkward conversations and disgust of himself because he liked a girl that was in love with his friend.  
Now, the annoying jealousy was back stronger than ever. The upside was that it was not directed at Ginny anymore. He knew that that would have brought him and Harry to an awkward position, with him being her ex and all that. It had been bad enough when Dean had felt betrayed when Harry had started dating Ginny directly after him. The downside was that the person he harbored feelings now was so out of his reach that he could cry. Not to mention that Pansy was in a relationship with Draco Malfoy.  
All things considered, it was a terrible situation that had started when Pansy had lied to the Carrows for him. In the deepest of nights, Neville had been running around the castle, writing messages on windows and other surfaces for the DA when Pansy had discovered him. She had looked at the wall then at him. It was clear that he had been writing Join the DA for justice! when she had turned the corner. Neville had expected to be reported, but she just told him to get his ass out of there. He had listened. The Carrows never found out who wrote the message.  
That was the moment that Neville started to pay attention to the other Slytherins. Okay, mostly Pansy. It was surprising to see that the girl helped other students as well. It was small lies and half-truths that seemed to work well for her. Neville had seen her putting a stasis charm on one of the messages to join the order. He was awestruck.  
At that time, he thought that maybe he should ask her to join their little group of rebellion. But there had been many problems: Firstly, after carefully imploring on the topic with Ginny and Luna, both of the girls were adamantly against talking to Pansy. Secondly, Draco Malfoy.  
The blond boy was always on Pansy’s side. They seemed to be inseparable during the war. And Neville remembered the time when she followed every word he spoke. So why should it be different now? There was a big risk she wouldn't join the order for her boyfriend and Neville knew Malfoy would never support Gryffindors.  
It had only gotten harder. Neville noticed more and more things he really liked about her. For instance, she was fiercely loyal to Draco Malfoy (She had clearly lied one time to the Carrows about his whereabouts when he didn't show up to class - even though she could have gotten in trouble for that) and she tell for lying was an ear rub. Neville also saw the dark shadows underneath her eyes and wondered how much sleep she got during the night. And lastly, he noticed that she became cruel when she felt threatened (he wondered if that applied to all Slytherins - Draco Malfoy was clearly the same - he had seen that first-hand for seven years, after all).  
He thought that was the main reason she had stood up during the final battle. Or he dearly hoped that she wouldn't have gone through with the plan. When he asked Harry about that, he had shrugged his shoulders and said don't really care about her, mate. But Neville did care. He even thought about following Pansy and making sure she would get out alive, but Malfoy had already walked up to her and put a protective hand on her shoulder.  
Their relationship seemed only to blossom. When Neville came back to his eighth year, he was met with these two Slytherins again. And this time he had to listen to many conversations, see her wearing his Slytherin jumper, and sleep in the same bed as her boyfriend.  
And more annoying than that these two spent so much time together was that Malfoy seemed calmer. He didn't sneer at anyone and was generally more silent. The only person he seemed to talk to regularly was Pansy. It was such a huge change of heart that everyone noticed and wondered if Malfoy had changed or if he would start spitting insults any seconds.  
Neville wondered if Pansy grounded him and if he was just happy with her.  
She certainly seemed happy if her spending so much time in Malfoy’s vicinity was any indication. She spent almost every night in his bed and Neville went crazy when he saw her leave in the morning with only Malfoy’s Slytherin shirt and Panties.  
And one day in mid December, Neville’s feelings bubbled over. He couldn't take the smile on Pansy’s face anymore when she was talking to the other boy. And certainly not the way he made her laugh.  
He just saw Pansy leave, this time her shirt had Malfoy - Seeker on it’s back, and turned to Malfoy full of frustration.  
“Can't she sleep in her own dormitory for once?” he asked.  
Malfoy turned around and frowned. He had just gotten out of bed, his hair a mess, and only wearing pants and a snitch-necklace (And that made Neville wonder what activities made him look that disheveled - he hated his own conclusion).  
“What do you mean, Longbottom?” Malfoy started to summon his uniform and cocked one eyebrow in surprise and confusion.  
He wasn't the only one. Harry and Ron were frowning too, while Seamus was looking at him knowingly. Neville didn't like that look.  
“I just mean she is over here a lot lately. It just annoys me that she walks around the dorm at six in the morning when we all get ready. Wouldn't it be easier to sleep in the girl's room where all her stuff is?” Neville’s heart was beating fast and he felt his cheeks flush under Malfoys skeptical stare. He thought in the back of his mind that he probably should stop speaking at all.  
“Why does it annoy you? Weasley’s girlfriend sleeps over a lot too. Does that piss you off as well?”  
Neville felt his face heat up more. “No! But Pansy wears only a shirt and that’s driving me insane!”  
Neville knew he had said too much. Ron and Harry were looking surprised and Seamus shook his head. And Malfoy would probably take perverse pleasure in that fact and start to harass him. And perhaps tell Pansy. Neville hated himself.  
Malfoy’s eyebrows rose up. “What?”  
Neville turned around with warm cheeks. “Forget it, Malfoy.”  
But Malfoy didn't forget. He stopped buttoning up his shirt and moved closer to Neville. “Do you have a crush on Parkinson?”  
Neville blushed even redder. He ignored the other boy and started to get his clothes out with clammy hands.  
“Malfoy,” threatened Harry. “Stop it.”  
But Malfoy didn't listen to Harry. He laughed breathlessly. Neville cringed and hastily started to get dressed. “I can't believe it! I thought you were still obsessed with Girl-Weasley. Since when do you like Parks?”  
This time, Ron interrupted Malfoy. “Malfoy, shut up. He clearly doesn’t want to talk about this.”  
Neville started to pack his back very fast. He wanted to get out of the dormitory and away from Draco Malfoy. His hands were shaking and he felt tears in his eyes. Which was stupid - he had fought against Voldemort and a little crush brought him to his edges?  
“Shut up, Weasley. this is huge. Is that why you were watching her last year the whole time?”  
Neville turned around. Malfoy’s voice made him feel like he was eleven years old again and hopped around the castle after the older boy had hexed his legs together. His heart started beating faster and he couldn't look Malfoy in the eyes. He sacked into himself and looked down.  
He felt Harry and Ron moving next to him, as well as Seamus. When Neville looked up again, he saw that all three boys had their wands up into Malfoy’s face. That was why he had followed Harry into the ministry and into a war. The boy had a good heart and stood by his side, even if he had a crush on one of the girls who had bullied him as well as his best friend. The same for Ron and Seamus.  
Malfoy in front of them had raised his hands mockingly. “Hey, lower your wands.” He smirked his old Malfoy smile when he looked at Neville. “What are you going to do about your crush?”  
Neville clenched his fists. “Don't worry, Malfoy. I won't do anything about it. She is all yours.”  
Malfoy’s eyebrows rose. “Oh.” He blinked. “Would you rather we don't hang out in my bed all the time, then?”  
Neville had enough. He pushed past Malfoy and thought fuck you. He heard Harry’s “Was that really necessary, Malfoy?” and Malfoy’s defensive: “I just asked him a question!”. Neville walked faster, he didn't want to talk to any of his friends right now. It was embarrassing enough that they had to witness that horrible conversation. He didn't want any questions.  
“Neville, wait up!” called Harry. He was right behind him and Neville started to sprint. He ran through the common room and ignored Hermione’s “Neville - what’s happening?” and opened the door. When he was in the corridor, he doubled his efforts and soon was gone from sight.

He spent the breakfast time in the toilet crying. It was embarrassing and reminded him of other years where he had cried because of Draco Malfoy. The first time had been in the first year and he had come back time and time again during the later years. It had moved on to Severus Snape and the memories of his cruel words. And then, in the third year, about the half-whispers and half-insults, he had gotten after he had revealed his boggart. But still, the worst was Moody and his parents. He must have spent more than one hour after every lesson in this bathroom stall remembering the crucio he cast on the spiders. And now he was back in that same spot.  
He wondered what Pansy Parkinson would think of him if she saw him right now. She probably would call him a wuss and laugh at him. It made his heart hurt and he cried a bit harder at that thought. Why did he have to fall in love with a girl like that?  
“Neville? It's Harry and Ron. Can you open the stall, please?”  
Neville held his breath. He didn't want to be caught crying by his two friends. If they would stay his friends after all that.  
“Yeah, mate,” said Ron. “We just want to know why Parkinson?”  
“Ron,” hissed Harry. “Neville, we really want to talk. You’re still our friend, okay?”  
Neville shook his head. “The whole school is going to know, Harry. And Pansy as well.”  
There was silence outside. Then Ron spoke up again: “Mate, you’re a war hero. I don't think they will say anything. Harry and I will be there for you. And Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Seamus. Hell, you're our friend and we will stay by your side. Don't worry.”  
“Exactly,” said Harry. “Man, you killed Voldemort’s bloody snake. They’ll be too scared to say anything. If they even believe Malfoy in the first place. He is not the most liked person right now.”  
Neville laughed and wiped away his tears.  
“C’mon, Neville. We will go with you to our next class. Or we could skip if you want to?” Ron sounded hopeful about skipping and Neville stood up. He should face his fear. He was a Gryffindor after all.  
Neville opened the door and looked into two relieved faces. He wiped his face and smiled weakly back. “Sorry. I probably look like a mess.”  
Harry smiled back. “You don't look too bad, don't worry.”  
He nudged Ron. “Yeah, man,” said Ron after a second. “So, do you want to go to the kitchen or to class?”  
Neville took a deep breath. “I think I will go to class. I can't avoid those rumors forever.”  
Harry beamed at him. Ron looked a bit disappointed but gave him his thumbs up anyway. Neville smiled back.

The weird thing was, that there were no rumors. Neville was tense the whole day, but he didn't get any other looks than the normal ones. He was used to being stared at now, and the whispers seemed to follow him every way he went. But there didn't seem to be any different to any other day. He tried to keep an eye on Malfoy, but the boy was behaving like always. Quiet, bored, and with his usual blank mask. Neville caught him looking at him a few times, but his expression didn't change. He wasn't smirking or sneering. That set Neville even more on edge.  
Ron and Harry seemed to agree. They were sending the older boy grim looks and wanted to talk to Malfoy, but Neville convinced them not to do that. He was also getting worried looks from Hermione and Ginny, both asking if he was alright or if Malfoy had done anything. Neville was happy that Ron had kept his secret from his girlfriend and sister, even though it would probably be not long until they found out on her own.  
But nothing happened.  
The same the next day. And the day after that. After a full week of complete silence, Neville relaxed again.  
At the same time, he noticed a surprising change in demeanor. Malfoy had started actual pajamas, not only pants, as well as Pansy. She seemed to be confused about the change, which further cemented the idea that Malfoy had not said anything.  
Neville didn't know why. But at the same time, he didn't want to speak to Malfoy about this and embarrass himself further.  
But of course, Malfoy didn't feel the same.  
The death-eater found him on a Monday in the library. It was the first time that Neville went alone to do some studying for the upcoming herbology test - Harry and Ron seemed to follow him everywhere - and he was concentrating on a very difficult sentence in his herbology textbook when he saw a shadow glowering above him.  
When he looked up, his heart sped up at the familiar sight of Malfoy’s blank gaze. Neville tensed up immediately and took out his wand under the table. If he tried anything, Neville would defend himself.  
Malfoy snorted as he sat down. “Put your wand away, Longbottom. You look ridiculous.”  
Neville blinked. “How did you -”  
“Why do you like Parks?” asked Malfoy in a flat tone. His hands were drumming on the table and he fixed Neville with an unwavering glance. It was unnerving.  
Neville felt his face heat up. “Why should I -”  
“Because I could tell Parks about your crush,” he said. His hands waved around impatiently. “Now, would you answer my question?”  
Neville shook his head when his cheeks turned crimson. “Please don't tell her. I’m embarrassed as it is.”  
Malfoy frowned. “Why are you embarrassed? Is it because she is a Slytherin?” His eyes narrowed and he crossed his arms. Neville could sense his anger from the other side of the table.  
Neville blushed even more. “No, of course not. It’s because she is with you.”  
That rendered Malfoy speechless. His mouth opened and closed a few times before he sputtered a “what?”.  
Neville shrugged. He wondered if his cheeks will ever turn back to its normal color. “She is in a relationship with you. And I don't think I can compete with you on any level. She is clearly smitten with you, always has been. And you two are perfect for each other: Both Slytherins with Pureblood Status and you are way more graceful than I’ll ever be.”  
Malfoy stared at him for a few seconds, before he started to laugh loudly. Neville flushed even more and crossed his arms petulantly.  
“Stop laughing!”  
Malfoy stopped laughing. “Longbottom, what are you talking about? Parks is not in love with me. We are not in a relationship and will never be.”  
“What?”  
Malfoy laughed again. “Well, she is lacking some important bits, for instance. Is that the reason you're not going after her? Because you're too noble that you can't go after something you want?”  
Neville stared at Malfoy in disbelief. “But…”  
Malfoy shook his head, still amused. “Look, do you want to be in a relationship with her or not?”  
Neville nodded slowly. “Yes, I do. But, Malfoy -”  
“I take that as a yes.” He smirked and Neville got a bad feeling that he had a plan.  
Neville shook his head. “What are you doing?”  
Malfoy ignored him and looked up. “Parks, over here!”  
Neville turned around fast enough and almost fell out of his chair. His face flushed even brighter (he probably looked like a tomato) and he couldn't keep his heart rate under control. He wanted to kill Malfoy.  
Pansy saw them and frowned a bit, clearly not expecting to see Neville at the table. She still started walking towards them, with her bag in her hand. Neville noticed her elegant walk and swooned a bit when he caught her expressive eyes for a moment. He turned around instantly.  
“What are you doing?” hissed Neville.  
Malfoy smirked and didn't answer.  
“Hey, Draco,” greeted Pansy when she arrived at the table. She smiled at Draco and lifted an eyebrow when she looked at Neville. “And Longbottom, apparently.”  
Draco leaned back and smirked wider. “Sit down, Parks. We’re going to study for your herbology exam.”  
Pansy snorted when she sat down next to Neville. He let out an undignified squeak when he felt her shoulder brush him as she sat down. “You don't even take herbology, Draco. How are you supposed to help me?”  
Malfoy looked at Neville. “You got me there. But Longbottom here is best in his course, why don't you guys study together?”  
Neville choked and spent the next seconds to get himself under control. When he looked up again, he saw the amused smirk on Malfoy’s face and a confused Pansy. She had taken out her books and was holding her quill in a hand.  
“Sure,” she said. “If you are not going to die on me. That would be quite unfortunate.”  
Neville nodded. “Of course I am! I mean...I won't. Are you sure you want me to help you, though?”  
Pansy frowned. “Why not? You're good in herbology and I need a good mark.”  
Neville smiled faintly. “Oh, okay. I can help you to get better. Not that you couldn't do it on your own, I’m sure you're more than capable of taking care of yourself, but I can help you understand some parts that you might not understand. Not that I think you're stupid because - “  
“Alright,” interrupted Malfoy. Neville was relieved. He was embarrassing himself the whole time! “I’ll leave you two to it. Parks, I’ll see you at dinner, right?”  
Pansy nodded and smiled at Malfoy. “Sure, don't forget to answer Matteo's letter.”  
Malfoy flushed slightly and left the library.  
Neville felt very conscious of everything he did. When Pansy turned around to face him, he blinked nervously and wondered if he should say something or if he should just let her talk.  
She made the decision for him. “How did Draco get you to help me?”  
Neville blinked. “What do you mean?”  
Pansy rolled her eyes. “Well, you Gryffindors haven't been very welcoming to us. So how did Draco convince you to help me with studying?”  
Neville laughed nervously. “I don't know. Sorry. It kinda just happened?”  
Pansy nodded, like that would explain everything. “He can be rather convincing, don't you think?” And then she smiled at him and Neville was gone.  
The next two hours were nice. Neville was still red in the face and couldn't stop his nervous stutter, but Pansy didn't say anything too mean. Neville thought that she actually was pretty nice and patient with him, letting him gather his thoughts and still explain everything twice. It helped that she wasn't completely unsophisticated and mostly knew what Neville was trying to explain.  
Neville fell more and more in love with her.  
He didn't even realize the time that had gone by until they were informed by Madame Pince that they should go to dinner.  
Pansy smiled at him in the end. “Thanks for the help, Longbottom. “  
Neville smiled back. “No problem, I hope it helped.”  
She rolled her eyes. “Of course you helped. Don't be so hard on yourself, you should become a professor or something.”

When Neville came into the great hall with Pansy by his side, he realized that Ginny, Ron, and Hermione were watching him and he flushed red. Pansy didn't realize it and was already on her way to the Slytherin table where Malfoy was sitting.  
Neville got ready for all the questions as he sat down at the Gryffindor table next to Ginny.  
“So, you and Parkinson?” asked Ginny with a surprised look.  
Hermione frowned. “I didn't see that coming. I thought you’d be interested in someone like Hannah Abbott. She is at least nice.”  
Neville blushed. “I don't know. I just like her.”  
Hermione frowned even more. “You do realize that that cow wanted to turn Harry over to Voldemort last year? She has bullied you for years and you are just going to ignore that?” She slammed her fist on the table.  
Neville’s eyes widened. “I know what she did, Hermione. But I think she deserves a second chance. Did you know that she helped us last year? I have seen her lying to the Carrows for our sake and she is really not a bad person anymore, Hermione.”  
Ginny laughed quietly. “I remember that. You talked about that for weeks. And stared a lot. Did you ask her out?”  
Hermione was watching Neville with a skeptical gaze. She didn't seem to care about what he said. Neville looked away to the other boys who were sitting in front of him. Harry was watching Malfoy at the Slytherin table and had his brows furrowed. Ron was looking slightly interested and was the only one with his sister without a distrustful gaze towards the Slytherins.  
“No,” murmured Neville. “I’m not sure how I should do that without her realizing that I like her.”  
Ron snorted and glanced at Hermione. “I know how that feels, mate. But you could ask her to the New Year’s party that we’ll have at the Burrow.”  
Neville’s eyes widened. “I’m not sure. Isn’t that pretty obvious?”  
Ginny rolled her eyes. “Neville, if you like her, just kiss her. You’re a Gryffindor, for crying out loud.”  
Ron smiled. “Yeah, ‘Mione did that, it’s nice.”  
Harry looked over to Ginny. “Me too. You should check in on Malfoy first, though. If they are a couple that would be horrible.”  
Neville shook his head. “They aren’t. He told me this evening - he was the one who made me study with Pansy in the first place.”  
His friends were stunned. Hermione’s mouth opened a few times before she looked like she couldn't believe it. Harry looked delighted as if it was great the Slytherins were single - Neville didn't know which one he was happier about. Ginny and Ron just exchanged a glance and shrugged their shoulders.  
“Are you sure he isn't playing you?” asked Hermione. She was the one who never was able to stop resenting Malfoy.  
Ron had been more tolerable towards Malfoy after they were partnered in potions together and worked side by side. It was a rocky start with many rants on Ron’s side, but one day that had stopped. It had happened after they had attended detention together and spent more than a few hours in close proximity. Now, they seemed to get along (Neville hadn't heard a bad word about Malfoy in over a week - that was a record). They even stopped sometimes to chat about Quidditch or chess. Neville knew that Ron wanted to play chess against Malfoy, but the older boy had yet to agree to these terms. Neville had once caught him talking to Pansy, even.  
Ginny herself never had that many problems with Malfoy. With his father out of the picture, she didn't really seem to care either way about him, and Neville knew she would stay by his side, no matter who he liked (it might have been different in the last year with the whole war going on). And maybe she had known longer that he had a crush on Pansy.  
But Hermione had never any indications that Malfoy changed or that his word could be trusted. the same with Pansy. Both of them had been the worst to Hermione and neither had apologized for insulting her or seeing her getting tortured in front of her. Neville knew that that girl could hold a grudge and wondered if she would ever be able to accept the fact that he liked the girl he was currently staring at.  
And Neville knew that Pansy wasn't the cruel bitch anymore she had been before the whole war. It had hardened her in certain ways (She also only talked to Malfoy on a daily basis) but she didn't spit brutal words towards Hermione or other muggle-borns anymore. And the most important fact was her helping the DA in the war. It had been something Neville had not expected of her and what made him interested.  
“I’m sure Malfoy isn't lying,” said Ron calmly. “But you could always ask her about that.”  
Neville blinked. “Can we talk about something else now?”  
Ginny put her hand on his shoulder in a comforting manner. “Of course, what about the New Year’s party? Does mom know about it yet?”  
Ron smiled sheepishly. “I might have forgotten to mention that detail to her.”

After the dinner with his friends, Neville began spending more time with Pansy. It had started with her sitting next to him in herbology (He had been so shocked that he had dropped all of his books - professor Sprout had almost had a heart attack) and ended with friendly banter in the library over books. Hermione was still skeptical about the whole situation and shot Pansy distrustful glances all the time. Ron was mostly relaxed and started grinning whenever Neville looked at his crush - he wasn't very subtle.  
But the most surprising thing was the sudden friendship between Ginny and Pansy. Ginny had just walked up to Pansy at one point during dinner and had sat down at the Slytherin table. It had shocked almost the whole hall. Pansy and Malfoy had taken the sudden appearance of Ginny in stride and had entertained her during the whole dinner. And after that, they talked sometimes (Neville wasn't sure what they were talking about - he hoped that they didn't talk about him).  
Ginny had once come up to him and said: “I think Pansy really changed. I want to be a bridesmaid at your wedding.” Neville had blushed and stuttered for a while. Ginny had only cackled at that.  
The only frustrating thing was that Neville and Pansy only talked about herbology. They studied together once or twice in the week and they never talked about other topics than their classes. It made him jealous of the easy friendship that seemed to have blossomed between Pansy and Ginny (he had seen Ginny and Pansy walking outside of the castle - wearing each other's scarves).  
He got so frustrated that he wondered if he should ask Malfoy for advice. He was still Pansy’s best friend. He probably had some ideas to help with his crush. But Neville didn't want to embarrass himself in front of Malfoy and let it rest.  
Ginny’s advice wasn't better. She told him to just kiss her, you idiot.  
Ron shrugged and agreed with her.  
Harry just turned red and stuttered that he didn't know the Slytherin’s enough to say if they’d like the Gryffindor approach.  
Hermione just said that he shouldn't be with someone he didn't know.  
In the end, Malfoy was the one with the solution. He came up to Neville in the last week of their term until they were going home for Christmas and sat down in front of him at the Gryffindor table.  
It was an even worse reaction than when Ginny had sat down at the Slytherin table. Even the teachers were looking at the group of eighth-year students with worried glances. Neville watched as Flitwick got up and hurried towards them with his wand raised. He hoped that that wouldn't be necessary.  
His friends had all frozen up and were watching him with wary glances. Even Ron had taken out his wand and he was the one who defended Malfoy the most these days.  
Malfoy didn't seem to care and prepared himself a cup of tea and looked up to Neville with his usual fierce eyes.  
“You're going to Hogsmeade with Parkinson,” was all the man said as he sipped his tea slowly.  
Neville blushed deeply. “What?”  
Ron next to him put his wand away and snorted loudly. “Potatoes, Malfoy?”  
Malfoy ignored him and stared at Neville. “This weekend. I’m going out with other Slytherins, and you are going to accompany her to Hogsmeade and buy her a cocktail in the Three Broomsticks. And of course, buy her flowers.”  
Neville blinked. “Doesn't she want to go with you?”  
Malfoy snorted. “I’m not stupid. I invited Greengrass’s older sister and Parks would rather die than spend a second in her company. That’s why I told her she should go with you to Hogsmeade. You can take her with your other Gryffindorks and then leave them to be alone with her or something. Don't mess this up, it is annoying enough to watch your moon over her with everyone knowing but her.”  
Neville blushed even brighter. “Do you think she likes me back?”  
Malfoy now looked annoyed. “I wouldn't help you if I didn't think you have a chance with her now, would I? Think, Longbottom.”  
It didn't really answer his question, but he felt his heart speed up anyway. Maybe he did have a chance with the girl.  
Malfoy rolled his eyes. “Close your mouth, you utter buffoon. Now, just remember that she doesn't like to be touched without a warning and don't just kiss her - ask her first. Don't look so surprised, it is common courtesy to ask before you kiss someone. And don't run away after you kiss her - that is just rude and Parks would never forgive you if you did that.”  
Neville closed his mouth. “You think I should kiss her?”  
Malfoy frowned. “Isn't that the goal? To make sure she knows about your affection towards her? I’m sorry, you could always forget about your feelings and moon in silence while she fucks Flint or Zabini. I've heard her express interest in both men recently.”  
Ron snorted at that and grinned at Malfoy. “I think Neville is just overwhelmed. I’m sure he is going to do fine on that date.”  
Neville crossed his arms. “Shut up, Ron. And Malfoy, are you sure she wants me to kiss her?”  
Malfoy rolled his eyes. “You should ask her if she wants you to kiss her. It’s common -”  
“Courtesy, yeah, yeah. But does she like me that way?”  
Malfoy pinched his nose. “Longbottom, how am I supposed to answer that question without breaking trust with my oldest friend? Just do what I told you, take her out with your ridiculous friends, then take her away from all of these idiots and tell her you like her.”  
Neville blushed even more. “I’ll try.”  
Malfoy rolled his eyes. “Thank Merlin. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go.”  
He left them in stunned silence. Neville watched as Malfoy left the great hall (his tea was still half full) and then turned around towards his friends.  
“Well, it seems like you have a date this Saturday,” said Ginny with a smile.  
Ron laughed at that. “Yeah, and you didn't even have to ask her out. Malfoy did that for you.”  
Hermione didn't say anything. She didn't seem happy about all of this.

When Saturday rolled around, all of his friends were looking at him sideways. Ron had given him thumbs up and Harry just patted him on the shoulder as a way of wishing him good luck. Ginny had given him a fierce hug and a don't fuck it up. Luna had serenely smiled at him and said don't worry. The nargles are on your side today. Seamus had only awkwardly nodded at him when they stood in the front hall waiting for the Slytherin to turn up.  
It was a bit later when Neville heard two voices coming down the hall. One of them was clearly Pansy - he heard her shrill laughter - and the other turned out to be Malfoy with his usual blank mask.  
Pansy was wearing a thick, green sweater that was clearly Malfoy’s. It made Neville think over his plan to talk to her but Malfoy didn't give him time for that though as he turned to Pansy and winked at her.  
“Have fun with your Gryffindorks, yeah?” he said to her and nodded to the rest of them.  
Pansy rolled her eyes. “I could have had fun with you. But you were the one who invited Daphne. She is a bitch, Draco. I’m still mad about that.”  
Draco smirked. “Don't be, you’ll stay with me for the whole holidays, don't you? Then we’ll have enough time to get drunk with the lot.”  
Pansy just pushed Malfoy’s shoulder and smiled. “Just go, asshole. I don't want to talk to you right now.”  
Malfoy laughed and walked right past the group. He glanced at Neville for a second and quirked his lips in a small smile for less than a second. Then he was gone from sight.  
Harry stared after Malfoy and then turned around awkwardly. “Ehm, shall we go?”  
Pansy snorted and started for the exit. “Yes, unless you want to stand here around all day.”  
Hermione rolled her eyes and snatched Ron’s arm as she walked past Pansy. Ron smiled a bit sheepishly and let himself be dragged outside into the cold.  
Harry started for the exit as well. Neville waited a bit for Pansy, but the girl snacked Ginny and started walking with her towards Hogsmeade.  
Neville listened to the conversation a bit. “I honestly don't know why Draco invited that bitch Daphne. They never were friends and I could imagine it is for Astoria’s sake but that doesn't really make sense. We all like her a lot already - Draco had made sure of that last year. But seriously, that girl has never been likable. Did you know she hexed me because I talked to her boyfriend once? That was when everyone knew I had a crush on Draco and she should have known that I’d never go for someone like Theo. That guy was way too thin for me, really. And now he is going to spend a whole evening in the presence of that scorpion. Really, Weasley. It sucks.”  
Ginny laughed after her rant. “Don't worry, Pansy. I’m not going to hex you if you talk to Harry or my non-existent boyfriend. And please call me Ginny, it’s just weird for my friends to call me differently.”  
Pansy snorted. “I’ll try, Ginny. It’s just a reflex that’s hard to shake.” She turned around and smiled at Neville and said to Ginny: “Hey, I’ll catch up with you later, yeah?”  
Neville watched as Ginny nodded and sprinted to the front where Harry was walking with his two best friends. Pansy stopped and waited until they were next to each other.  
“Hey, why are you walking alone in the back?” asked Pansy. “You should talk more, Longbottom.”  
He laughed a bit. “Don't really feel like it, Pansy.”  
“Why not?” Pansy looked a bit concerned until her face went blank again. “Not that I care, mind you.”  
Neville shook his head. “It’s stupid, really. Hey, do you want to get a cocktail later at the Three Broomsticks?”  
She laughed a bit. “That was so not subtle, Longbottom. But I’ll let it slide because you're going to buy me the fanciest cocktail in that bar and then forget about whatever got your knickers in a twist.”  
When the two of them arrived at the bar, the others had arrived as well. Neville was happy to see half of the DA again, like Dean, Lavender, the Patil-twins and Katie Bell, Angelina Johnson and, surprisingly, Oliver Wood. Pansy next to him froze a bit and leaned slightly against Neville.  
“I didn't know there would be so many people,” murmured Pansy and went white as a sheet. Her eyes darted around the table that was full of people Pansy had hated a few years ago. “I should go, Neville. This is not good for me.”  
“Wait,” said Neville. “I will stay by your side the whole time, but please spend some time with us. It will be fun, I promise.”  
Pansy stared at him incredulously. “Fun? How could a room full of people that hate the shit out of me be fun? I’d rather be at a table with Daphne than sit here with people that will skin me alive.”  
“Please, Pansy. It would mean a lot to me. I really like spending time with you and I think this will turn out to be good.”  
Pansy rolled her eyes. “I hate you.”  
She set up her most arrogant face and started walking towards the chairs where Ginny had sat down next to Dean and pushed him roughly to the side to sit down next to the other girl. Dean gave her an annoyed look and looked to his best friend Seamus who just shrugged. The rest of the table went silent when Pansy sat down next to Ginny and watched her as she took Ginny’s glass and downed the liquid.  
Neville smiled a bit at that and sat down on the other side of her when Dean moved over to where Angela was talking to Harry.  
“I’m just saying,” said McLaggen enthusiastically to Ginny. “You should play Quidditch professionally. You and Harry both should audition this summer for a position in our team.”  
Ginny rolled her eyes. “I don't want to play for your team. I want to be on the Harpies team. They are all awesome women and I want to be a part of that.”  
McLaggen’s eyes widened. “But… but my team is in the top five. The Harpies are in the second Liga! They are all women for crying out loud! Of course, that doesn’t work.”  
Ginny crossed her arms. “Are you saying that a team full of women couldn't kick your ass at Quidditch?”  
Pansy snorted. “That’s really offensive. You shouldn't say that if you want Ginny to play for you.”  
McLaggen’s eyes widened. “I just wanted to outline the fact that the Harpies aren't as good as my team.”  
“By insinuating that that’s because they are women,” said Pansy flatly.  
He scratched his head and started to stammer about statistics and other weird facts about women and Quidditch. Pansy and Ginny debated with him and completely took him apart from so that in the end the boy was almost crying his eyes out.  
Neville smiled at that and looked at Pansy. “That was awesome.”  
Pansy laughed. “I’ve had enough practice when Crabbe…” Her eyes darkened for a second at the name. “When a friend said that women shouldn't work in high-end positions.”  
Ginny snorted. “What a bastard. McLaggen is so offensive. I don't know how Hermione survived that assholse when she went out with him. I’m going to tell her that.”  
She stood up and left Neville and Pansy in awkward silence for a bit.  
“Have you ever played Quidditch?” asked Neville.  
Pansy snorted. “No, I hate flying. When I was younger, Draco tried to get me on a broom, but I cried every time we started to get off the ground. He was mortified to see a girl crying. He still is, for that matter.” She smiled fondly.  
Neville smiled and braced himself for the next question. “If you don't mind me asking, are you and Malfoy in a relationship?”  
Pansy smiled a bit. “Why, you interested?”  
Neville squeaked a bit. “What, no! You're just always wearing his sweaters and all that. It makes me wonder.”  
Pansy laughed. “I’m wearing his sweaters because they are comfortable. He had given me this sweater when we had been in our fifth year and it reminds me of the time before the war made our lives miserable. And drove us apart, of course.”  
Neville’s eyes went wide. “You have driven apart? Why?”  
Pansy lowered her eyes. “The whole shit with Draco being a Death-Eater. He didn't care about me in these months and I got angry. Like seriously furious. I didn't talk to him until we came back for our last year. And even then I ignored him in the beginning. It was horrible to know that he didn't trust me enough to tell me what he had to do for The Dark Lord.”  
Neville nodded. “That must have been hard. Did you have other friends in Slytherin?”  
Pansy smiled ruefully. “No. I had no other friends. I don't even think Draco and I have been friends before last year. I had a crush on him that he didn't reciprocate and that was it. No secrets, no friendship, just him using me and making me look a fool in front of everyone. It changed with the Carrows because we needed each other. And he told me some of his secrets that he hasn't told anyone else. That was the point when things were starting to look up and we realized that sometimes friends are better than crownies and insults are thrown at other people. He was the only thing that got me through the war and the aftermath of it.”  
Neville opened his mouth. He hadn't thought she’d answer that honestly. “So you are best friends now?”  
She smiled. “Yes. But there will never be anything between us. He is in a relationship and I don't think that’ll change anytime in the near future.”  
Neville perked up at that. “He is in a relationship? With whom?”  
Pansy laughed and shook her head. “Forget it, I’m not telling you. Are you seeing someone?”  
Neville shook his head so fast he felt a bit nauseous. “No, I’m single as a pringle. No one at my side, just the old, lumpy me.”  
Pansy laughed at that. “You're an odd one, Neville. I have never been in a relationship, did you know that?”  
Neville flushed a bit and decided not to mention that she had used his first name. “Really, but you are really pretty.”  
Pansy laughed at that and flushed a slight pink. “Shut up, I know that. Now buy me one of those cocktails you promised me.”  
Neville laughed at that and stood up to buy the other girl she desired drink. After having a couple of drinks intus they started to talk more and more and Neville was sure that he hadn't laughed that much in a few months. Pansy was smiling as well, touching his arm and telling him stories about her childhood until Neville’s sides hurt too much. In return, Neville told her about growing up with his grandmother, his first accounts of accidental magic, and even mentioned his parents once.  
At one point, they were joined by Ginny again, but after Pansy looked at her with an annoyed look she left the table again, smirking. Neville hoped that that was a sign that she liked him too.  
After two hours, Pansy had enough. She glanced around the room and then smiled at Neville again. “I think I have enough of Gryffindors for the evening, do you want to head back outside? We could just walk around Hogsmeade for a little while.”  
Neville readily agreed and stood up with her. They walked outside and were greeted with ice-cold weather. It had snowed during the day so they had to fight their way through the snow. Pansy laughed when Neville sank with his whole feet into the snow and helped him up after she stopped laughing like a maniac. Neville loved the sound.  
They walked across Hogsmeade and Neville thought again about Draco’s words. He could just kiss her - the surroundings were very romantic and she was definitely in a good mood.  
When they walked past the Hog’s Head, Neville saw Malfoy leaving the establishment. He was smiling and seemed to be at ease. Pansy smiled at him for a second and then took Neville’s hand and urged him onwards.  
After a few steps she stole his hat. The red lion hat looked ridiculous on her head (It had been a present by Luna - he loved it). She complained about the color, but didn't take it off when they walked past Honkeydukes and other shops.  
Neville was happy.  
And when he caught her staring at him for a second, he knew that he wanted to kiss her badly. And now.  
“Pansy,” he started and stopped walking.  
She turned around and smiled at him. “What? Did your feet freeze? Because I think mine are starting to turn into - what the hell are you doing?”  
Ha had leaned forwards a bit into her personal space and wanted to shut her up with a kiss (wasn't that totally romantic?) when she jumped away from him and started to panic. Her eyes were wide and Neville went red.  
“What were you thinking? Get away from me!” Pansy stepped further back and then turned around and started running towards the castle.  
“Pansy, wait!” cried Neville and tried to follow her, but he lost his footing on the snow and fell face down.  
Neville felt his heart break and cursed Draco Malfoy for meddling with his crush (And for playing him in general. It was clear Pansy didn't like him).

His friends found him around midnight when they came back to the dormitory in his bed, crying. Harry and Ron sat down next to him and the latter came up with very creative ways to revenge him while Hermione walked up and down moodily. She glanced at Neville with his normal I told you so gaze and he tried to ignore her as much as possible. He didn't think that he succeeded much.  
Harry himself tried to cheer him up by telling him how Ginny and Hermione had insulted McLaggen at the pub night and that everyone had missed him when he left. It was a nice thought, but Harry obviously realised that he didn't necessarily care about that.  
After a while it went silent in the common dormitory. Ron had stopped muttering about turning her into a hedgehog (it seemed to be her spiritual animal, according to Luna) and Harry just looked at him awkwardly, clearly not knowing what to say to a guy that had tried to kiss his crush and got turned down.  
Their silence was broken when Malfoy came up the stairs. His hair was a mess and the flush on his cheeks suggested that he had been outside after curfew and had run his way up. Neville put his head in his hands to stop looking at him.  
“What’s going on?” asked Malfoy. Neville heard him coming closer and promptly opened his eyes when he heard Hermione scream.  
“This is your fault,” cried she and slapped him across the face.  
Malfoy touched the cheek she had slapped and appeared shocked. His mouth was hanging open and he obviously hadn't expected her to use violence.  
Neville felt a bit better at that.  
Malfoy seemed to get himself under control. “What did I do?”  
Hermione snorted and left the dormitory with a furious expression.  
Ron stood up. “That’s my cue to walk after her. Bye.”  
Harry coughed awkwardly and looked disappointedly at Malfoy. Then he followed Ron and Hermione down the stairs.  
Malfoy stared at Neville. He was still holding his cheek when he sat down on his bed, facing Neville. “What happened?”  
Neville layed back on the bed and closed his curtains.  
The worst was that he actually thought Pansy liked him. She had appeared so happy to spend time with him, laughing at his jokes and wanting to be alone with him. He didn't know what he did wrong and it frustrated him the whole train ride back. He didn't speak at all to his friends and ignored the questions about what exactly had happened. Ginny went so far to punch him in the arm and demand he tell her what his problem was, but he ignored her and went back to his meditation.  
He should have known better, he thought when he celebrated Christmas with his grandma. She was frowning at him and seemed worried about him, but he didn't tell her either. He should have known that Malfoy would play him. The boy had not a single bone of gentleness or honesty in his body and Neville knew that. So why should he have listened to him? It was a clear set - up.  
If it was a set up, he was worried what would happen in school. Would the two Slytherins laugh at him again and mockihim in the halls? Did Pansy know about his crush on her?  
He decided to not go to the New Years party and hid in his bed as his grandma came into the room.  
“What has gotten into you, Neville?” asked the old woman. She looked like she wouldn't take a nothing for an answer.  
So Neville told her. He wasn't proud of the tears that fell down his cheeks.  
His grandma frowned at the end. “Don't cry like a baby, Neville. So you are going to that party and forget about that awful woman. Maybe try to have fun for once.”  
That’s why he turned up at the party anyway.  
His friends greeted him with excited shouts and he started to do what his grandma told him. He had fun and started drinking with Ron and his brothers, played exploding snap with Harry and talked half an hour to Luna about Thestrals. When he came across Ginny, the girl was nervous.  
“I told Pansy about the party,” said Ginny. “And surprisingly, she just came in. You should probably talk to her.”  
Neville turned around and saw Pansy standing there, dressed in a beautiful pink dress. Her hair was styled professionally and she was smiling at him shyly. His heart stopped beating and he felt his cheeks reddening.  
“I’m sorry,” said Pansy. She walked towards Neville and he saw her blushing as well. “I shouldn't have run away like that.”  
Neville shrugged. “It’s okay. You don't have to apologize, I completely understand.”  
Pansy shook her head. “No, you don't.”  
Neville shot her a dark look. “How so? As far as I am concerned, you don't like me back and was the one who played me into thinking you did.”  
Pansy shook her head. “Not true.”  
Neville felt tears in his eyes. “Pansy, why do you have to be so cruel? Don't give me false hope at this point. You won. You made me spend Christmas crying in my room ignoring my grandma completely. So you can leave now.”  
Pansy stepped even closer. “Do you know how I spend my Christmas?”  
Neville rubbed his face. “With Malfoy laughing about me?”  
She smiled. “No. I spent it crying in my room, not talking to Draco. Hell, I went back to my family to not see Draco. He had to track me down and he screamed at me for half an hour. He was convinced I did something to you, you know?”  
Neville looked up surprised. “Why… why did you cry?”  
Pansy looked away. She seemed embarrassed. “I didn't think I was good enough for you. But Draco pointed out that you thought the exact same thing about me and that we are both complete idiots if we keep thinking that. He is convinced that we should just get together and forget all this drama.”  
She paused for a moment and looked up again. “But he also said that we should probably have to talk about the war and that I had to apologize before we start anything seriously. Making sure we’re holding the same wand or something.”  
Neville laughed a bit. His heart was beating with new hope. “He clearly said a lot to you, didn't he?”  
“Yeah,” said Pansy. “As I told you, he has screamed at me for thirty minutes until he gave me a speech about how we both like each other and that I should take a risk about this. So that's what I am going to do, Neville.”  
Neville was wondering if she was going to kiss him and leaned forwards a bit, and she stepped backwards. He tried to hide his hurt.  
“Stop.” Her eyes were wide and she held up her hands to stop him from stepping a step closer. “Can we talk somewhere private?”  
Neville looked around the full room and frowned. “Let’s go outside.”  
Pansy nodded.  
“I want to tell you why I freaked out when you tried to kiss me.” Pansy wasn't looking at him. She watched the darkness in front of her and Neville stopped looking at her as well. It only seemed appropriate.  
“It happened last year when the Carrows came to school. As you remember, it was awful. Students were tortured and we Slytherins were supposed to catch every single one of you guys. They thought that we were special because we were sorted into Slytherin.” She laughed quietly and wiped away tears that had started falling down. “I felt empowered at first, you know? I thought that would be my chance to prove myself. To show people that I was so much better than all the rest. So I joined the Carrows and a bunch of Slytherins to help catch you. Do you remember the first message you left in the halls? That was the first time the Carrows wanted me and Draco in their office. We were the ‘true Slytherins’ and they told us to catch them. So, that's what we did. We were called to the office more often when you gained more members and I started to realise the way Amycus started to look at me.” Her hands shook and she had to stop for a few seconds to hold in a few sobbs. Neville didn't want to touch her so he hovered nearby. “He would talk to me after class, ask about my parents, and he started to touch me. I ignored it completely. After all, he was a grown man and my mind didn't wander anywhere near that possibility. And then, one day, he called me into his office without Draco.”  
Neville’s breath caught when he thought of the different scenarios. He didn't want to know what that asshole did to her.  
But Pansy continued talking. Her voice was faster now and she had closed her eyes. “It was the first week of November. And I was surprised that he wanted to see me without Draco. I literally jumped thinking that I somehow got more important than Draco. Draco was worried, you know? He asked me why he wanted to see me alone and I ignored him. I should have listened to him, you know?”  
Neville stayed silent for a while. Pansy didn't say anything else for a while, until she caught herself again.  
“He gave me tea. I didn't think of anything and drank it. It was a paralyzing potion. I couldn't move. I just sacked out of the chair, you know? But I could still feel my body, but not move one single muscle. The only thing I was capable of doing was crying. He started to… He…” She laughed again. “Draco came in, you know? He was so worried and when I saw him standing there, I knew that we weren't special. We were on the wrong side, the side where I almost was raped, Draco had to kill someone and the rest of Slytherin had to torture people - we couldn't even refuse because all of our parents were at stake. But Draco took care of me, you know?” She opened her eyes again. Neville had never been more happy about the existence of Draco Malfoy. “He took me out of this room, dressed me in his fancy jumper and took me away from everyone. And it was probably the best thing ever, to have Draco Malfoy with me. He protected me the rest of the year and the Carrows didn't get close to me again.”  
“He didn't…”  
“No,” said Pansy. “Not for a lack of trying, believe me.”  
Neville gulped. “That's why you…”  
“Yes. I can't stand people touching me without a warning. Now, go ahead. I'm sure that is too much for you, isn't it?”  
Neville smiled faintly. “What?”  
Pansy laughed harshly. “You must realise that you shouldn't be with someone as fucked up as me! I'm not sure I will ever be able to kiss you or let you undress me. How are you supposed to be in a relationship with me if you can't do that? You would have to ask me every time before touching me and that is horrible.”  
Neville ignored her tirade and carefully held out his hand. “Can I hold your hand?”  
Pansy stared at him for a while before she carefully put her hand in his. Her eyes went wide and she took her hand back quickly. “See? I can't even hold your hand!”  
Neville shrugged. “I don't care. We’ll get there.”  
Pansy laughed. “What if I don't? YOu shouldn't do this.”  
“Didn't you say that you wanted to take a risk?” He didn't wait for her answer and pushed out his hand again. “I want to. And I think you want to as well. I don't care that you can't touch someone. I don't care that you might never will. I like you and I'm not gonna forget you in a week.”  
Pansy stared at his hand. “Are you sure?”  
Neville snorted. “I have nightmares that I sometimes can't wake up from. I have no idea what to do in a relationship. I cry like a baby if I see my plants die.”  
Pansy smiled fondly. “I know. I saw you in the greenhouse once.”  
“See?” said Neville. “I am just as messed up as you. But I am going to take this shot because I like you.”  
Pansy carefully took his hand again. “Okay,” she whispered.  
And behind them, fireworks exploded.


End file.
